Stop explaining yourselves.  The mainstream will learn from the radical inclusivity of the margins. Look for those who are most marginalized and serve them on purpose.  With respect to a common cup at communion, let people with HIV drink first, as others are a greater danger to them. Name who is “everyone” who is welcome; write it in your program. If you make change gradually you just empower the people who don’t want to change. You’ve got to make people grow and expect that they’ll get angry. As long as we placate, the deep pockets will hold hostage your ministry.